We broke up.
I invested 9 months of my life in a relationship with a person who is not who I thought he was. I changed my travel plans, lived in a city I’m not crazy about for way too long, and invested my heart and my time.
In return, I was profoundly betrayed.
I’m furious beyond the point of comprehension, I’m wounded to the core of my soul, and…
How can I be excited at the same time that I’m enraged and dejected?
Because now I get to do whatever I want – again. There’s no one to consult, consider, or think about before I make a decision. It’s all about me. Jasmine living life on Jasmine’s terms, not anyone else’s.
Does that sound selfish? Maybe to you, but to me it is the essence of freedom. I can live it up in vacation home rentals in Spain, check out an eco retreat in the Caribbean, or chase snakes in the Amazon. It’s my decision. I decide, not anyone else.
In the how we met post, I talked about how love is not really my expertise and how I don’t have much experience with relationships. I’ve been traveling full time for 3 of the past 3½ years and have met only a handful of people who share my nomadic lifestyle. Getting shacked up with some static non-traveler, popping out a few babies and signing up as a wage slave is my idea of hell. I had half written off the idea of finding a life partner, instead accepting my fate as a nomad without a tribe.
Then I fell in love. With a non-traveler. I weighed my options carefully and at every step of the way. At some point I had to ask myself – which is more important, my love of travel or what could possibly be the love of my life?
In the end, I chose love. I told myself that love is worth the sacrifice, that travel is always an option but that I could never live with the “what if” plague forever, and that I had to see where this could go.
What did I know?
I suffered for my decision. I moved in with the family, I worked most of the day, and revolved my life around one person. I felt my inspiration and creativity diminishing and the resentment and feeling of constriction growing exponentially.
I felt like a smaller person.
That’s why I’m excited. I’m free again. I have no more social obligations to consider (intensified by the fact that I lived with his family) nor self or externally imposed limits to stop me.
I’m excited to get to know myself again, to thrive, to evolve. To focus on establishing myself as a writer. To exploring new regions of the world, making new friends, and doing what I am most passionate about in this world – travel.
Freedom is a beautiful thing.