So as not to torture you with suspense, I’ll lead with the deity with no dentist and the colossal phallus.

This is Tlaloc. He is the god of water. There were no gods of teeth in his day.

This is a giant penis. It was created by the Huaxteca people in a town called Yahualica. They are sometimes referred to as a phallic cult. This particular unit was used in ceremonies.

Aside from these most memorable pieces, the Anthropology Museum contains a dizzying amount of sculptures, paintings, replicas, artifacts, and pieces of jewelry. The museum was so impressively large with so many pieces from so many cultures that I lacked the stamina to get through them all.

My eyes began to cross. My legs gave out. My camera batteries died.

A proper visit to the museum requires preparation. A month before your planned visit, starting a rigorous routine of early morning runs, protein shakes, push-ups, and maybe an intravenous coffee boost the day of might help.

Instead, I’ll have to visit the museum at least twice more to see everything. Hopefully next time I can absorb more than the god with the unfortunate grill and the ginormous phallus.